


It Happened in Detroit

by justbygrace



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 10:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10683294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justbygrace/pseuds/justbygrace
Summary: Bank Robber AU





	It Happened in Detroit

**Author's Note:**

> Let's take it back now ya'll - god I wrote this story so many years ago. It is one of the first five fics I ever wrote (I honestly don't remember what order I wrote them in anymore).

The authorities finally catch up with them in Detroit, Michigan. They've been chasing a trail of bread crumbs leading across twenty-four states and half as many banks. Codes painted on walls and messages left with their hostages have the FBI running in circles, trying to keep up. When a technical analyst finally breaks the code, a circular language never seen before, no one is amused to learn they've been painting nursery rhymes. After the chase, apprehending them is almost too easy; the two are leaning against the safe with identical amused expressions. The shorter one taps his watch and asks what took them so long. 

The two men have gained national media attention and everyone knows their names - the Doctor and the Captain, the trench coat wearing duo who've hit a bank in nearly every major American city. Rumor has it they've made away with upwards of ten million, but no one knows the specifics. Interviewing the hostages has always been a waste of time, no one seems eager to share any details of their experience. The FBI assumes the worst. There is never much evidence left behind - the first thing the Captain does is take out all security cameras. No one higher up likes to admit that the only reason they know anything about them (including their names) is because the duo wants them to, information fed through the hostages little by little. 

The two talk nearly incessantly through the ride back to the local police station, but end up saying very little worthwhile. Any attempt to get them to answer specific questions is met with rabbit trails and misdirects. The crowd outside the station is overwhelming and takes careful navigation and both men seem very eager to engage with the public, answering any and all questions with jokes, parries, and insults. They are placed in separate interrogation rooms and that's when they clam up, demanding to be placed in the same room, both claiming they'll talk if the FBI will just listen to this one request. An attempt is made to hold out, but in the end the agents have little choice. 

Questioning them is exhausting. The Doctor gets off topic and rambles about tea and lasers and books and the Captain flirts with everyone so effectively they end up changing the interrogating agents six times. When they do answer questions, it is in riddles and deflects. When one of the agents gets frustrated and demands to know why they aren't cooperating, the Doctor gives him a look like he just dribbled on his shirt and told him they'd answered every question they'd been asked, the agents just didn't know how to listen. 

No one notices a blonde woman enter the station. She takes a brochure and seats herself in one of the hard-backed chairs, occasionally glancing at her watch and tapping her foot. When she has been there thirty minutes, she stands and approaches the guard on duty with a tongue-touched smile. He is young, fresh-faced, and eager, and when she leans a hip on the counter and bats her eyelashes, he drops his pen and upsets a glass of water. While he mops liquid off his desk, he tells her about the criminals they've just apprehended and she gasps in all the right places. She asks to see them and he blushes and stammers and tells her that he really can't, really shouldn't, but there is a bathroom down that way if she is interested. She winks at him and tells him she is very interested. He offers to escort her and she ducks her head shyly and says she doesn't want to take him from his duties. He leans so far out of his chair to watch her walk away he ends up on the floor.

It's been three hours of questioning and cross-examining and the agents are no closer to the answers they want than they were at the beginning. The Doctor and the Captain look as relaxed as ever, the Doctor tapping a lazy beat on the edge of the table and the Captain stretched completely out, legs on the opposite chair. When the agent snaps at them and slams a folder on the table, the Doctor calmly asks if they have a bathroom and could he use it? The Captain glances up at that and brightly states his need as well. The agent rolls his eyes, but stands and escorts them out the door and down the hall with poorly disguised impatience. When someone asks if he wants backup he waves them away, muttering about handling two stupid idiots on his own thank you very much. 

It takes fifteen minutes before the other agents start to get concerned and go in the bathroom after them; they find the agent tied to the pipes with three blue ties and a note that says, "Bad Wolf." It takes three weeks before the duo hits a bank in Albuquerque, New Mexico and this time when the agents watch the scraps of video footage they see a blonde woman seated on the floor with the other hostages. It takes seven months before the authorities get a personalized message, a two-minute video shot on someone's cell phone featuring a black wall and disembodied voices telling them that this is the final bank, they're retiring from the business. 

Three years to the day in Detroit, a man walks through the station doors. He is carrying a DVD in a plain case and tells the guard on duty it is courtesy of the Doctor, the Captain, and Bad Wolf. It is four minutes and thirty-two seconds long and shot somewhere on a tropical island. The Captain is stretched out on a lounge chair and the Doctor is seated on a swing, one arm wrapped around the blonde woman. The Captain flirts shamelessly with everyone and the woman says nothing at all, but the Doctor speaks clearly and directly. He tells the camera they never kept a penny of the profits for themselves, vaguely referencing some charities who had received anonymous donations and explaining that the rest went to the hostages. He thanks the authorities for playing and tells them to stay tuned for next time. The video cuts off to the sound of laughter from all three of them. 

It takes fifteen years before the authorities stop jumping at shadows.


End file.
